Saturday, January 15, 2011


The day I married Cody and repeated "Until death do us part" I didn't once think that would be what separated us.  I knew and was ready to be apart because of Cody being on duty for 24 hours, having to do two week field ops every month, go and train at CAX for a month and fight in Afghanistan for seven.  I was completely oblivious to the thought that we wouldn't have lots of babies, and grow old together.

I know in my last post I talked about not knowing if I could handle going to homecoming.  I went back and forth, back and forth.  And in the end I went.  I knew in my heart that Cody wanted me there to welcome home the marines that he loved and in the end died for.  I was so nervous driving onto Lejeune.  I kept thinking "What if I can't handle this, What if the guys don't want me there, What if I regret this, What if...". Why do those two little words make you second guess everything?   I calmed my nerves by talking to  Chrissy (one of my favorite wids).  I don't know if I would have gone through with it if it wasn't for her reassuring me that I was doing what I knew to be right.  I couldn't be more proud of myself for going.

 After I left I felt like an idiot for all the what ifs.  When I saw Cody's plt. they hugged me so tight, and I cried with each one as they whispered how sorry they were.  Let me say there is nothing more humbling than seeing a marine cry over a "fallen" (I hate that word) brother.  They thanked me for coming and told me it meant a lot  because they knew it wasn't easy.  I have such a peace being around those guys.  As strange as it may sound, I can feel Cody through them. I've always felt that he was with me, there hasn't been a second that I've felt alone even though I am, but being around the marines that Cody spent his last three months with, the feeling is intensified.

Going to homecoming was heartbreaking, but it's what I needed.  I needed to make myself see that Cody wasn't coming home, that there would never be a knock on my door to tell me that this has been a huge mistake and that he's ok, but that he was one of the seventeen marines that didn't make it back.  Cody deployed to Afghanistan willing to give his life for his country, and he had complete peace about it.  He was ok with the fact that he could die fighting for you, because it's what he was called to do(those were his words).  I'll never know anyone as brave or as selfless.

My husband is a Hero.


  1. OMG you are my hero!!! I went to the Homecoming as well, I actually had a really close pretty much brother who came in. and I cried. I cried when they held the beers up and did the prayer for the angels. OH How i Envy you so so much. I tihnk going to the homecomings even when the love we love doesnt come home.. its reassuring that his brothers miss him soo much too. :) Im glad you decided to go.

  2. Ashleigh, I am so proud of you for going and I know Cody is too. You are so strong and are doing a great job with Colten. I am honored and proud to have known Cody and to call you my sister. Love you,


  3. Ashleigh, I'm proud of you for facing your fear and going. Lauren and I are grateful for Cody's sacrifice, and for your willingness to allow him that honor.

  4. Yes, Ashleigh, your husband IS a hero, and so are you. I'm proud of you for going to the homecoming, and I know Cody is proud of you as well. God bless you and Colten; you are never alone. Cody will always be with you.

  5. I"m so proud of you Ash for going. Maybe you can help Nikee go through what she has to go through next week. My prayers are with you. love you

  6. Your husband was indeed a true hero. I am grateful for his service, and I pray for strength for you. As a fellow military wife, you are in my heart. God bless you!

  7. I know you are still grieving, and your pain must seem unbearable. I am sorry. I read that you say Cody was "unjustly" taken from you. I pray that you won't always feel this way, because the Only One Who holds the power of life and death is God, and so it is Him Whom you call unjust. So, this unjust God, the same One Who took Cody, also gave the gift of life to Cody, and now, to your little Colten. Is He "just" only when He does as we think He should? (The book of Job) As Christians, we are not promised a fairy tale life. On the contrary, Christ Himself promised, beginning in the book of Genesis, and also in the gospels,that we would have trouble in this world. Our comfort lies in the promises that He has overcome the world, that He will never leave nor forsake us, and that He will work all things together for good for us if we love God and are the called according to His purposes. People want to laugh at sin, but Adam & Eve's sin is what brought death and suffering into this world in the first place. God gives us a choice as to how we live our lives--if we choose to sin & do wrong, it will ultimately affect not only ourselves, but others. The war Cody was fighting in is a perfect example of this truth.

    I pray that you will run with patience and faith the race that is set before you. I pray that you will seek God in His Word daily, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you and give you wisdom as you strive to make good decisions for yourself and your son.
    Scripture tells us that we are surrounded by a "great cloud of witnesses". Whether that means that these great heroes of the faith are actually watching us from a heavenly arena, or simply that we have their lives as a testimony to the power that is possible through Christ, we are encouraged to "live out our faith" as Christ did. It matters to God.

  8. Ashleigh, thank you for your posts. They not only help you but they help others. I'm glad you went to the homecoming. It's a part of healing; for you and for the Marines who served with Cody.

    Drive On.
    Cpl. Beddoe, USMC 1981-1985

  9. You are BOTH heroes!!!!! Proud of you, girl!


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