Thursday, November 17, 2011

Hiatus Over!

I'm baaaackkk!  I know I hadn't blogged for very long before I disappeared so I'm not to sure how many even noticed my absence. But for those that have... I'm so excited to be writing again! Blogging is an amazing outlet that I've missed. There is so much to tell and catch everyone up on! The ups and downs of the last 10 month I will recount and unfold. I made it through Colten's 1st birthday and Cody's 23 (which are only 2 days apart), our second wedding anniversary, which was also the last day I saw him alive. So that day was a double whammy. And the worst, the 1 year mark. The whole month of August just sucked.

So where to start? Let's see...I'll begin with I'm dating and have an amazing boyfriend. And let me tell you there are 9,823,487,853 opinions on this. Some great, and others really crappy and out of line. I thought that keeping my private life private was the way to go to keep the talking to a minimum. Whoa! Was I wrong! It seems that if you try to keep people out of your business they work even harder to find a way in. I've learned that people are insanely curious about the life of a widow. We're just like you, we just cry more. Please don't get me wrong I'm fine with being asked about my life. It's the gossiping, and people thinking they know so much when they know nothing I can't stand. If you have a question come to ME, not anyone else.

Back to the bf. If you've read my posts before you'll remember this one Get your tissues ready where I posted the letter that Zack, (Cody's best friend) wrote to be read at the funeral since he was deployed still in Afghanistan. Well ladies and gents like so many of you predicted would happen has. Zack and I are dating. Yay!!! Maybe I won't be the lonely old widow that hates her neighbors after all!  I get two completely different responses from this.

1. "That's great that you've been able to find happiness again, and who better than a man that Cody trusted to love and care for you guys."

And this one that makes me want to run them over with a bus repeatedly...

2." How can you do that? How can he do that? I just couldn't do what you're doing. I just don't understand. How can Zack look at you and see anything but Cody's wife?" ect. ect. jab jab

When I get response 1. I just want to hug whoever it is, stranger or friend and cry. With response 2. I feel a slap to the face is needed. I don't care if you get it or not. I'm the one dating Zack, not you. Why do people think their thoughts and opinions matter so much? Even better, did I ask how MY life makes you feel?  I know for certain I didn't. I have way more important things to worry myself sick over than someones approval.

This is what I know for sure. Zack is one of a kind. He has a heart of gold. I tell him all the time it takes a special man to do what he's doing. I mean seriously would you deal with my crazy widow ways, unnecessary drama from protesters of our relationship, all while helping raise the monster (a.k.a. Colten)? I don't know why he does, but I'm so thankful for him. Plus! Colten LOVES Zack, they're two peas in a pod.

As I've said before, I like to believe that Cody has a hand in the choosing of the man that will be in our lives. Happiness and hope are creeping back into our home.

                                <3 Ash


  1. Congratulations to you and Zack!!! I, like you believe things happen for a reason and that Cody most definitely had a hand in this. I hope you continue to live you life and move forward and let the haters hate! No one can truly understand where you are coming from or what your feeling unless they have walked a mile in your shoes. Who are they(we) to judge??!! (((( HUGS )))) I'm so proud of YOU!!! XOXO
    Channing D.

  2. Congratulations, I'm glad you are back and I'm glad you are happy. Obviously we don't know each other but I read your blog before your hiatus. Thank you for your honesty. Blessings to you and your family.

    Minneapolis, MN

  3. I'm happy for you Ashleigh and I totally understand, it does take a special kind of guy to step in and be there for you and Colten. I can tell by pictures and from your posts that you are happy and really, isn't that the only thing that matters!? Who cares what anyone else says, they aren't you and they weren't put in your shoes so they have no idea what it's like. I'm so glad that you have a wonderful man and I'm pretty sure I agree with you, I believe Cody had everything to do with the choosing of the man in you and Colten's life. They were best friends and he knows Zack will take care of you!! :)

  4. Im!

  5. "We're just like you, we just cry more"

    You crack me up Ashleigh!

    You said it perfectly, Cody choose the man that will be in your lives :)

    <3 ya!

  6. I'm happy for you. Just be honest. The people who don't like it can kiss yo assss.

  7. I'm am so happy for you, keep your head high. You're making the best of an unbelievably hard situation. I never met Cody but he had to be a special guy to pick you and to have a best friend that would write such touching things about him. From the moment I read your blog with the letter that was read I hoped you two would end up together. I think of you and Colten often and enjoy all the pictures you post. I truly hope you find joy, you and Colten deserve nothing but the best <3


  8. You know I love you and Colten with all my heart, and I completely support your relationship with Zack. I always have and always will. I can't but be honest, my heart aches with the most retarded conflict. I see pictures of Zack and Colten and I'm simply overjoyed. For now Colten doesn't know the difference. He loves Zack and may never really get to feel the the loss we have felt. You can't miss something you never had. You and Zack completely feels Coltens heart and needs. The other feeling I have well is simply an ache that's not worth explaining. Maybe there is wisdom in not giving life to my hurting thoughts and misguided feeling. May the Lord bless you and keep you.
    Mom in Alaska

  9. Dont let others bring you down. Im sure your Husband wouldnt want you to be alone for the rest of your life. The only thing you deserve in life is happiness. And I think its beyond exciting that you found someone who will contuine to Honor your Husband for the rest of your life. Keep you head up, Keep smiling, That is the only thing your husband would want! :)

  10. I have missed your blogging; it's good to see you back on here! And even better that your life is going so very well. Congratulations on your new relationship. Anybody who has anything negative to say needs to just back off and mind their own business. You deserve to be happy as much as anyone else, if not more so! Love and hugs to you.

  11. Welcome back Ashleigh!!! Yes, you have been missed. My vote is absolutely, positively for response #1. You and Colten deserve happiness and so glad Zach is bringing HAPPY to your world. Thanks for sharing and letting us be part of your life.


  12. This is so sweet, I have to tell you a story. Many years ago my uncle was coming home on leave from the Marines to get married the following day. He was killed on the way home from the bus stop to his home. His fiance ended up marrying his best friend. They are still married over 50 years later and very happy. Ignore all the negative. Your husband would want only what is best for you and your son.


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